because i am brian roy

photography, world conquest, etc.


Hikari and I were headed into the wooded parts of Pennsylvania, to work on scenes for a horror film that I absolutely must create that night.

“A horror film?” asked Nate. He sounded surprised.
“Yes, a horror film. We need a place to film it, though.”
“Well, we’re headed up to Nick’s cabin tonight. And it has this disgusting, awful bathroom… No one’s been in it in 20 years, seriously. Why not there?”

Who could say no? We recruited everyone that was aroundish (Hikari arrived from Philly), and made plans to convene at Nick’s cabin, to create a horror film.

“But why?” wondered everyone involved to themselves.
“Because!” I insisted. My logic was sound.

My Mercedes didn’t have any heat, and it was already dark. And snowing. And Hikari and I were running late, of course.

So, after a 45 minute drive, we turned onto the dark, wooded road. I had a sneaking suspicion that my car was awful in the snow. Sneaking, like an elephant on rollerskates. Obviously my car couldn’t take a mountain road covered in snow, but that didn’t stop me from trying.

And failing. Definitely failed that attempt. We did get further than I thought, but I wasn’t entirely sure where we were, and as it turns out, snow does not get lighter the higher up you go. So, after successfully wedging my car into a malevolent ditch, Nate and Nick came down to help me un-stuck my car… which, proved to be pointless, so we just kinda got it off to the side, and took of the rest of the way on foot.

By the way, much like the disgusting, awful bathroom, Nick’s cabin hadn’t been occupied in 20 years. And the first thing he ¬†pointed out and proceeded to freak out about for the remainder of the night was the seven or so fresh bullet holes decorating the walls of the cabin. The holes were fresh, but they didn’t imply any attempt to aim. Whoever had shot them could indeed hit the broad side of a barn, or cabin in this case, so I immediately begin devising a new way to insult their aim, should it come down to that. You know, just in case they come back, run out of bullets, and I need a one liner to whip out before doing something that would be awesome and super effective. Specifically what? I had no idea, but the framework of a plan was good enough for me. I’ll just figure out the details later. Kinda like this horror film.

So, Nick and the others set about heating up the kitchen via a massive wood furnace, while Hikari, Nate and I begin filming. My HVX runs out of space for footage in about 5 minutes, and I had to rely on Nate’s Canon for the rest. We go through the entire thing, the girl lost in the woods, wandering up to a creepy cabin, walking inside, finding a killer waiting for her, and then—! Well, the killer had to leave early. Her mother was sick or her kids were misbehaving or something along those lines. Right before getting to this epic bathroom we planned the entire thing around. Gah!

So, with the creepiest bathroom in rural Pennsylvania right there, wanted to be filmed in, we had to get creative. So, Hikari, Nate and I turned it into a fashion shoot, themed around horror. Sadly, Nate’s camera ran out of batteries — likely my fault — but my D90 was good to go!

So, these images are the result of the horror film with no ending. They are the things our heroine found within. By the way, there is nudity, making this NSFW, depending on where you work.


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